A Thought Essay on My Strong Dislike for Closets with Mirrors

I'm a fan of honesty, so I'll come right out and say that this post has absolutely zero purpose and no plan. I am writing with no destination in mind, so if you're a fan of long, aimless road trips, and my country music playlist in the background, the passenger seat is yours. (Car snacks of choice are baby carrots, La Croix, and Skinny Pop.) It may reassure you though, that this isn't actually "A Thought Essay on My Strong Dislike for Closest with Mirrors." Or is it? It might be. It probably will be.

I realized that I have a lot of random thoughts during the week, and they never make it to this blog because they're like one sentence long or a funny joke or completely irrelevant to anything I was intending to write about but what am I supposed to do with all of those thoughts (and jokes)? 

So, here we are. Me, posting my thoughts and my jokes on my blog in any order that I want because I like to write and I like to share what I write. 

Let's proceed. 

We're apartment hunting, and I have indeed learned that I have a very, very strong dislike for closets with mirrors (I figured I should start with this early on so that if you want to bail, you still can, you know, before we open the Skinny Pop and you become addicted and genuinely cannot leave). On Saturday we visited six different apartment complexes in three different cities in the Bay Area, and it was exhausting, fun, disappointing, exciting, stressful, ALL the above.

First of all, Matt and I have different priorities, AND our priorities seem to change with every apartment we see. One minute he’s trying to shorten commutes and have an in-complex fitness center while I’m trying to maximize counter space and the number of additional kittens I can adopt, and then suddenly we’ve swapped and he no longer cares about the commute but instead wants bathroom counter space and an in-unit washer/dryer while I’m still concerned about how many cats are allowed but also what is that terrible sound that the drawers make when they open and is there a bathtub? Enter, the closets with mirrors. We have several closets in our current apartment, none of which have mirrored doors. The first place we visited had them on each of the bedroom closets, and I made a comment that it sort of bothered me, but it wasn't a deal breaker (what WAS a deal breaker was the one square inch of counter space and the fact that the entire complex was basically just a giant slab of concrete). 

But then, every SINGLE place we went had mirrors on their closet doors and it was making me so angry, for reasons that I genuinely cannot explain. One place told us that it was "in style." One place told us that it was the "top newly renovated interior design." I get it. Mirrors make a space look bigger, and that's why people hang mirrors above their couches or fireplaces (note: I never had a prior issue with this apparent design "technique", but after this weekend, have now determined that this also drives me nuts). I've watched enough HGTV to know this. Maybe this is a personal flaw of mine, my newfound disgust of mirrors on closets and on walls where they are used for “purposes” other than deciding if your outfit is acceptable for public viewing or if you hair can go another (a fourth) day without washing it. Maybe I’m just not hip enough. Maybe ever since I saw that movie Black Swan, I’ve been harboring some subconscious fear of mirrors that is now resurfacing. Maybe, I would just rather have a plain old white closet that looks perpetually clean than a closet that literally reflects how un-made my bed is and how all my clothes just seem to miss the laundry basket and freaks my cat out because HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND REFLECTIONS OK?

But, then we saw the fourth apartment, which had three closets on the floor plan. The first closet was located in the kitchen, and was called the pantry. Not only did this closet have mirrors (because everyone needs to see their constant reflection in a tiny galley kitchen), but it also had NO SHELVES. Is it just me, or does a pantry have to have shelves in order to be called a pantry (it’s not just me, the Internet agrees with me)? If I wasn’t already pissed about the mirror-pantry I certainly was now. Apartment Complex In Generic Location That Shall Remain Nameless for Both Security and Out of the Goodness of My Heart wants to be sure that you can see how beautiful you are while you cook but also be sure that it is very difficult to store things to cook with. They’re using your own beauty to get you. Tricky, tricky. It gets worse.

In the same apartment is a small hallway that leads from the bedroom the bathroom. Said hallway is lined with “His” and “Hers” closets. In theory, this sounds great, because not only can I take over my closet, but while we’re being honest, I’ll probably take over part of “His” closet too so basically I’d get a whole hallway closet. Like a walk-in closet, but not.

BOTH OF THE CLOSETS (which, I will add, FACE EACH OTHER) HAVE MIRRORS.

I have never felt so enraged about something that I am so aware is so unworthy of my rage.

There are two morals to this story, which aren’t really morals. They are useless in guiding your life choices. They are:

1)     We did not choose Apartment Complex In Generic Location That Shall Remain Nameless for Both Security and Out of the Goodness of My Heart almost solely because of these closets with mirrors. This is how much Matt loves me and also how psychotic I am.

2)     We did choose another Apartment Complex In Generic Location That Shall Remain Nameless for Both Security and Out of the Goodness of My Heart that actually does have closets with mirrors. Because I’m not totally psychotic, and if there are enough good things to distract me from how terrible closet mirrors truly are, I might be able to get past them. We don't actually live there yet, so who knows. Maybe I am actually afraid of closets with mirrors and we won't find out until after we move in and then we'll have to start this whole process over again. There should be a filter on Apartments.com for "Closets with Mirrors?" because I'd totally click "No" and it would save me and the lady who I asked if they could change the closet doors a lot of time. She said no, but Matt said we could sacrifice the security deposit and I could paint them and I'm not sure how serious he was but it doesn't matter because I would 100% do it. 

You know what? Maybe this actually will be useful in guiding your life choices. You’re welcome.